Thank You for the Pain

I think that we grow the most through pain. When your world is completely shaken and everything seems to be broken, you can either morn over the shattered pieces, or see it as a clean foundation for something new. Everyone has experienced heartbreak in some form, so I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last, but I through it all I've grown and learned things that I never would have otherwise.

At the beginning of the summer I felt as though every area in my life was crumbling. I felt helpless and lost, but through this I saw areas in myself where I wanted (and needed) to grow. I made a promise to myself that when I went back to school in the fall I would not be the same person that I was before. I set goals and gave everything over to the Lord so that he could work in me.

My main goal for the summer was to grow in my relationship with the Lord. During the school year I had slipped, and really desired to get back in tune with Him. Beside this, my goals were not major or life changing, but simple things that I put on paper and accomplish.

Here are a few of them:

• Plan a bonfire (Check! Though it rained and we never had a campfire, I had friends over in anticipation of one)
• Work Out Regularly (Of course 'regularly' is a relative term)
• Get Involved in Ministry (I've been a leader in the youth group and have had an opportunity to really bond with some of the girls. Plus, I just got back from an incredible mission trip)
• Read a Book or Two (Finished "Angels and Demons" and am now skimming another novel)
• Scrapbook Sophomore Year (This is coming along nicely)
• Either to See One Friend a Week OR Do Something Special For One Person (Its been wonderful)

Now August and the end of summer is staring me in the face and I realize, I am a different person, but not in the way I thought I would be. When I was bitter and angry and hurt I looked at changing external appearances and actions. But when you give that up, something much better happens inside.

Sure I got a great haircut and a couple cute outfits, but I fell like the Lord has given me an entirely new outlook on life. Through ministry I have learned what it feels like to be selfless and give everything for Him. I have placed new value in who I am and what He has created me to be. And I can't wait to see what is in store for the years ahead.

There is a new Sarah bursting onto the scene who is confident, spontaneous, independent, and full of life. She is ready to dive full force into the future. To take risks and live vivaciously. There is so much that the world has to offer, and so much I have to offer the world. As I stand here looking forward there are so many opportunities and I am quivering with the anticipation of finding out where I belong.

Sure there are bad days, but I am thankful for them. I still battle bitterness and the wounds haven't completely healed - but today is a good day, and I will rejoice in it.